Resolved: Neil Patrick Harris is a National Treasure

As if Harold & Kumar and How I Met Your Mother weren't proof enough, the man is cool enough to walk a mile in Bruce Campbell's shoes in an Old Spice commercial. And then, NPH goes to eleven by starring is a singing super villain in Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog.

As a public service to new fans who are late to Church of Neil, we present some of his earlier musical efforts that you can add to your playlists. If you can't wait for the Dr. Horrible soundtrack to come out, try these discs on for size. Like Dr. Horrible, both feature Neil singing and, coincidentally, lots of homicidal maniacs.

Assassins (Make sure you get the 2004 version on the PS Classics label. There's an earlier recording that's great, but sadly Neil Patrick Harris free.)

In this musical about the real assassins who killed (or tried to kill) a president, Neil Patrick Harris leads an ensemble cast as the narrator who guides you through some of the darkest chapters of U.S. history... through song. Highlights include the shockingly catchy "Ballad of Czolgosz" and "The Ballad of Booth." It's not the same as watching him step on Captain Hammer, but it's still cathartic as hell hearing Neil stand up for America and bitch-slap Booth (with Stephen Sondheim's finely crafted lyrics, of course.)

Sweeney Todd Live at the New York Philharmonic

Neil Patrick Harris plays Tobias in this story of revenge, murder, cannibalism, and the joys of owning your own small business. He has three big numbers here, including a sweet yet spooky rendition of "Not While I'm Around." Oh, and he may kill somebody before it's all over, too.

The David E. Kelley Checklist

If you ever watched any David E. Kelley shows like Boston Legal, The Practice, Boston Public, or Ally McBeal, then you know he's a special kind of Trekkie. While most super fans collect autographed photos, this producer collects actors. He seems to be on a personal mission to give former Star Trek actors regular paychecks. Mr. Kelley, as a public service to help you in this endeavor, we've put together a convenient checklist. Simply check off the actors names when you've given them a guest spot or a recurring role on one of your shows.

Fun With "Equal Time" Campaign Laws

When politician/actor Fred Dalton Thompson ran for President, campaign laws governing "equal time" forced TV networks to stop airing shows and movies that Thompson acted in because they would have given him free publicity. Somehow, America survived his ill-fated campaign without any reruns of Law & Order or showings of Baby’s Day Out. All of which begs the question… what other actors should make a run for the presidency? After carefully reviewing the acting careers of several top contenders, we have our endorsement:

We'd Like to Urge CSI Miami star David Caruso to Run for President!

If you'd like to see Caruso throw his hat (and sunglasses) into the ring, simply print this form, complete it, clip it out, and mail it to:

David Caruso
c/o CSI: Miami
CBS Productions
1600 Rosecrans Avenue
Bldg 4A, 2nd Flr.
Manhattan Beach, CA 90266

Remember, it's not to late for a third-party bid!

Rejected Song Titles from High School Musical 3: Senior Year

“(Hey! Hey!) It's Senior Skip Day!”
“I'm Ready to Go to First Base”
“Who Spiked the Punch? (The Prom Song)”
“Let's All Apply to the Same College”
“Baby, You Boost My SAT Verbals”
“Application Essay of Love”
“Can You Feel the Financial Aid Form Groove?”
“The Mono Duet”
“Sending a Recommendation Letter to Your Heart”
“I Want the Phat Envelope”
“It’s Time to Let Our Grades Slide”

60 Minutes Uncut

Strategy for Fighting the War on Christmas

Merry Christmas!

In case you hadn't notice, the holiday season is officially here. In fact, it began at least as early as October 1st this year, when I saw the first Christmas themed ad. (This year's official winner for the first ad of the season goes to the producers of Fred Clause, which appears to be a delightful little romp starring Vince Vaughn as Santa's brother Fred. From the looks of it, it will be full of sassy humor with an leave you with an uplifting holiday message. Spoiler alert: The true meaning of Christmas may have something to do with love and spending time with your family.)

Slowly but surely, Christmas moves earlier every year. It used to be that the decorations went up at the mall the day after Thanksgiving. Then it drifted earlier into November. Then it hit the point where the green garlands and red bows were going up while the pumpkins were still out for Halloween. And now we've made it all the way to October 1st. Christmas is officially a three month celebration.

Which brings us to the War on Christmas. If you listen to Bill O'Reilly talk, Christmas is in grave peril. Some of the festivities surrounding the three month celebration of Christmas -- the uninterrupted stream of songs on the radio, the mall decorations, the Christmas-themed TV commercials, episodes, and specials -- use the word "holiday" instead of "Christmas." For some reason, every time a Top 40 station plays "Winter Wonderland" instead of "White Christmas," he thinks Christmas dies a little bit inside. He wants Christmas to be in your face, 24 hours a day, and with full-on explicit Christmas-on-Christmas action. When you wish a friend "Happy Holidays" in or around the area of December 25th, Bill O'Reilly hears that statement as being a secret code for "I hate Jesus and the people who worship him."

Well, if Bill O'Reilly wants a war, he's got one! It's not just in his sick, feeble, paranoid head anymore--I declare War on Christmas! And I've drawn up battle plans, too. My strategy revolves around the notion of a proportionate response. I maintain that Christmas fired the first shot in this war (and they aimed it straight at my sanity) by starting the oppressive onslaught of holiday cheer some 84 days ahead of the actual observation of the true holiday. Therefore, I'm responding in kind: If somebody thinks they need 84 days to build up to Christmas, I say let's have 84 days to wind down from Christmas.

This strategy works because of the following strange fact--although there's a trend to start forcing the Christmas spirit down every body's throats months ahead of time, once the actual day has come and gone... people get over it pretty quickly. Forget the 12 days of Christmas -- it's usually a distant memory a few days later! By the time people are deciding what New Year's Eve party to go to, it's ancient history. Christmas, as observed, is all build up, followed by a massive anti-climax.

This leaves an opening to highlight the annoying absurdity of starting Christmas in October. Instead of just wishing people a "Merry Christmas" before December 25th, I plan to keep on saying it AFTER Christmas. Way after Christmas. 84 days after Christmas. The phrases "Hello" and "Have a nice day" are going to be removed from my daily conversations and replaced with "Merry Christmas" all the way through March. If you'll join with me, we could have a serious movement on our hands.

It will be annoying. It will go on to long. And it will hopefully show the retailers, advertisers, and the Bill O'Reillys of the world how overbearing the protracted celebration has become. And maybe they'll show more restraint next year. For every day they hold back on starting Christmas, I'll stop celebrating a day earlier too. Then, maybe one day, the holiday season will be brought back down to size again. And when that day of moderation comes, the war will be over, and we can all live in peace.

Upcoming Episodes of Law and Order: Scooby Doo Unit

In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the meddling kids, who investigate crime; and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.

Episode 401: A routine haunting turns out to be part of a conspiracy between a prominent stockbroker, the Russian Mob, and Mr. Gompers, the groundskeeper.

Episode 402: A turf war ensues when Federal prosecutors want McCoy (Sam Waterston) to grant immunity to a defendant in a smuggling case so he will testify in the Federal case against the Abominable Snowman.

Episode 403: A trial turns into a media circus when celebrity guest stars The Harlem Globetrotters are called as witnesses.

Episode 404: The kids catch a jewel thief, but will McCoy be able to be convict him when his defense attorney uses an insanity plea? After interviewing the defendant, Police Psychiatrist Dr. George Huang (B.D. Wong) admits that dressing up as The Ghost Knight of Castle Von Brooksworth is “pretty damn loony.”

Episode 405: A judge instructs the jury to disregard Velma’s eyewitness testimony after she admits under cross-examination that she had lost her glasses and “was as blind as a bat.”

Episode 406: In a story ripped from the pages of the gothic novels of Mary Shelley, Scooby and Shaggy capture Frankenstein. District Attorney Arthur Branch (Fred Dalton Thompson) faces political pressure to drop the case when the Governor turns out to be an old friend of Frankenstein.

Episode 407: Scooby and Shaggy capture The Phantom of the Lighthouse by pushing him in a mine-cart and rolling it down a flight of stairs. Will he go free when his lawyer accuses the kids of police brutality?

Episode 408: In order to convict a man who dressed up like a mummy and stole ancient Egyptian treasure, the District Attorney’s office will have to convince a judge that just because Fred set a trap does not mean that he’s guilty of entrapment.

Episode 409: A judge throws out a confession on the grounds that, since the defendant was tied up with rope at the time, it was made under duress.

Episode 410: Fred and Daphne determine that the Zombie King is really Professor Logan in disguise. It’s up to the State Court of Appeals to determine if ripping off his mask constitutes an unlawful search and seizure.

Episode 411: Charges are dropped against a man who pretended to be The Creature from The Lake when, after researching the relevant case law, Assistant District Attorney Connie Rubirosa (Alana De La Garz) learns that it’s not even a crime to scare the tourists away so that you can drill for oil.