Get MAD and Get Even (More MAD)

When you were a kid, did you love MAD Magazine? If you read this blog, I'm guessing the answer is "Heck, yeah!" Well, I have some bad news for you: After their 500th issue, MAD will be switching from a monthly format to a quarterly format. This is, no doubt, a sad outcome of the general decline in magazine circulation across the publishing industry. I fear that MAD will only have a harder time staying afloat as a quarterly since it depends on topical humor.

Well, I think if we (and by "we" I mean "the internet") all pull together, we can do something about it. Now is the time to stop being nostalgic for our childhoods and start buying subscriptions. If not for ourselves, then perhaps as a gift for our kids (or our friends kids, or our nieces and nephews...) Subscriptions are cheap at only $19.99 for 14 issues. Look, you don't even need a checkbook--you can do it online:

Click Here to Get a Subscription for Yourself or Somebody You Love

If we can't reach the critical mass necessary to reverse the fortunes of the magazine that helped shape (and by "shape" I mean "warp") our sensibilities, then at the very least we'll be teaching kids the unique joys of reading MAD:

• Wasting hours looking at all of the little details
• Learning how to be world weary without being cynical, learning how to question authority without being a jerk about it
• Re-reading old issues to get all the dirty jokes that went over your head the first time around
• Yelling at your mom when she throws out your old -- and surely priceless -- issues when you went to college

I'm counting on you, blogospher. If we can make "Talk Like a Pirate Day" a real holiday, if we can redefine the meaning of Rick Santorum's last name, if we can make Perez Hilton gainfully employed... then surely we can pull together and help our old friends at MAD keep the satire coming.

Warning: Giant Watchmen Spoiler

Billy Crudup -- the guy who plays Dr. Manhattan -- also does the voice-overs for all of the MasterCard "Priceless" commercials. We dare you to try not to think about that when you're watching the movie.

In an Early Draft of the Watchmen Script, Alan Moore Explored Other Character Concepts for the Comedian

It's late at night. New York City. 1985.

A grappling hook shoots through the air and catches on a window frame. We see Rorschach perched in the window, about to enter the empty apartment apartment. His grappling hook is still hooked to the frame.

Breaking away from the panels, we reveal the title of the first issue in bold, black letters: "Why Is There Air?"

Back in the Comedian's apartment, Rorschach looks around the room and notices a photograph of the victim. He's a handsome African-American male, dressed to play tennis. He's posing with a white male. Both are smiling. From the clothes and the hair, the photo appears to have been taken in the 1960s.

Rorschach goes to the closet. Opening the door, the closet seems to be empty except for a few overly colorful, heavily checkered sweaters. He pushes the sweaters aside and notices a small button on the back of the closet wall. He presses it. The back of the closet slides open to reveal a hidden space.

The centerpiece of the hidden alcove is a superhero costume. There is a pair of yellow spandex shorts and a matching shirt. The shirt has a light orange "B" logo on it. There is a matching cape and a pair of yellow boots. The costume is completed by a pair of white boots and a black eye mask.

Rorschach lays the costume on the floor to study it. He says "Hurm."

Rorschach notices there is a picture hanging next to the costume. He picks it up. It's a photograph of the masked adventurer Brown Hornet and his two sidekicks Stinger and Tweeterbell.

What You Were Thinking the First Time You Watched The Dark Knight

Is that Anthony Michael Hall? I think that's Anthony Michael Hall. He looks a lot like Anthony Michael Hall, but I'm not sure. No, hey, that's him. That's Anthony Michael Hall.

Cool.

The 6 Best Songs About Super Heroes

6. "Iron Man"
by Black Sabbath



This song featured a crude, unsubtle, and stupid guitar line... and I mean that in a good way. It's a metal song for people who don't normally like metal. Prior to the huge swell of hype for the movie, the comic book character wasn't very well known by most Americans -- he never had the fame Superman or Spider-Man achieved -- so this song really boosted his public image. Iron Man owes it all to Ozzy.


5. "Silent E"
by Tom Lehrer



"Silent E? Who's Silent E?" I hear you ask. Well, if you don't recognize this hero's name right away, it's probably because he didn't have a movie or a comic book. In fact, he doesn't exist outside of the context of this song. The Silent E song was created for the educational television show The Electric Company. If you weren't alive in the 70s, it came on right after Mr. Rogers and it stared Morgan Freeman as a character who loved to read. (This experience served Mr. Freeman well, as he now frequently plays characters who love to narrate.) Anyway, Silent E had the very special power of being able to turn a can into a cane. If that's not reason enough to love it, consider this: the song was written and performed by Tom Lehrer!

"Who's Tom Lehrer?" I hear you ask. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I reply.


4. "Superman Song"
by the Crash Test Dummies



It's a little maudlin, but it's mostly surprisingly touching. It's everything that the damn Five for Fighting song isn't. It's got those arresting basement deep vocals and it has strong lyrics,although they do pick on Tarzan a bit too much. Tarzan want to know -- what Tarzan ever do to earn contempt of Crash Test Dummies?

Runner up: I Am Superman by R.E.M


3. "Jimmy Olsen's Blues"
by the Spin Doctors



First off, it's a great jealousy song. It's not quite as good as "Is She Really Going Out With Him" but it's easily on par with "Jessie's Girl." Second, it's nice to a different spin on Superman. From Jimmy Olson's point of view... the Man of Steel is a major game killer. How's a regular guy like Jimmy supposed to get any love with competition like that?


2. "Spider-Man"
by The Ramones



The list is based on original pop songs, not cover versions of existing theme songs. But this is the Ramones, so to hell with rules! Rules are for bands with less punk cred, bub!


1. "The Ballad of Barry Allen"
by Jim's Big Ego



If you didn't already know, Barry Allen is better known as The Flash. (The BEST version of the Flash, by the way. The one who originally died in the 80s and who just came back from the dead... presumably to catch the premiere of Iron Man movie.) Anyway, this song has a different take on hero. For this guy, running super fast and saving the girl is easy, but moving slowly enough to sit through a seemingly endless conversation with the girl is a draining workout.

Sample lyric:

And you say the time goes rushing by
But it seems so slow to me
And I want to be there when you laugh or cry
But it takes too long
It seems so slow to me

This song packs an emotional punch that can knock out even Captain Cold.