The years melted away last night at the 20th Reunion for the Hogwarts Class of 1998. Members of the most historically significant graduating class in the school’s history gathered in the Great Hall to rekindle old friendships and share happy memories -- even though most of their memories involved monsters, murders, and narrowly escaping death.
The most popular alumni of the evening was no doubt Harry Potter -- The Boy Who Lived, The Teen Who Dropped Out of School, and The Man Who Let Himself Go A Bit Around the Middle. “I’m in charge of the Aurors office now,” Harry told this reporter. “It was my dream job since my fourth year at Hogwarts, but there’s not really much to do since I already killed Voldemort ages ago. Last month I prepared a major report for the Minister on how we’re streamline the filing system for cross-departmental projects. So, when you think about it, it’s just as exciting as the old days.”
Potter attended the event with his wife Ginny Weasley, former star Quidditch player for the Holyhead Harpies. “I do miss the game,” she said, pausing briefly to sign an autograph for a fan, “but I sometimes think Harry misses me playing even more than I do. Sometimes he asks me to put on the old uniform.”
‘Please don’t print that last part,” she added.
Taking a break from chatting with his former classmates, Draco Malfoy said, “People keep asking me why I’m not in jail. I tell them I honestly don’t know--I’m too busy trying to figure out why I’m still alive!”
Hermione Granger, one of the school’s most famous graduates thanks to her role in defeating He Who Must Not Be Named, was also in attendance. As most wizards already know, she went on to join the Ministry of Magic where she fought tirelessly to secure civil rights for House Elves, Werewolves, Goblins, Centaurs, and Muggles. “To be honest,” she confided, “the work is very satisfying, but there isn’t much money in it.” She blushed and excused herself when she was asked if she was still making counterfeit Galleons.
Hermione attended with her husband Ron Weasley, who is also widely celebrated for his efforts in the war. He was seen answering questions about what he had been doing since The Battle of Hogwarts. “I spent a few years working at George's joke shop selling, you know, farting cauldrons and plastic dragon poop. All of which was perfect training for a career working for the government!”
Proving to be quite the proud father, Ron went on to boast about his children. “Rose is doing really well at school, of course, and Hugo takes after his mother, too. Although,” he added. “they did ask me to take them camping over the summer, so I had no choice but to confund the lot of them. I mean… honestly! Camping? They must be mental.”
The wizards formally known as Seamus Finnigan and Parvati Palil were overheard telling an old friend that they both changed their names when they got married. According to Parvati, “We noticed that wizard names are often prophetic, so our new last name is Handsomewealth.” A visibly proud Seamus added, “It seems to be working very well so far for our kids Rich and Goldie.”
Michael Corner attended with Susan Roberts, his Muggle wife who was making her first trip to Hogwarts. When asked if she found it strange to be in a school where they study magic instead of science, she responded. “Not really. I went to public school in Texas.”
Lavendar Brown was overheard telling friends the sad news that her favorite teacher, Divinations Professor Trelawney, failed to see a giant anvil falling over her head. According to Lavendar, the anvil will fall next Tuesday.
Luna Lovegood explained to her old friends why her father had shut down The Quibbler. “Times are tough for publishing all over. Even The Daily Prophet has scaled back their operations to just Rita Skeeter’s blog.”
Herbology Professor Neville Longbottom attended the reunion with his wife Hannah Abbott. Many expressed surprise at their marriage since Neville was the first Hogwarts professor to ever have an active love life. Current Headmaster Professor Flitwick said, “That boy was never the best student in my class, but he has my eternal gratitude for breaking the curse!”
Padma Patil, manager of Flourish & Botts and Vice President of the Alumni Association, had her hands full making sure that everybody in attendance had a good time. “I was trying to cheer up Moaning Myrtle. It was going well. She told me I hardly looked any older. I tried to return the complement and told her she hadn’t changed a bit. Then she just murmured ‘Thanks for reminding me’ and glumly drifted away.”
Although most attendees seemed to be enjoying the reunion, Gregory Goyle spent the evening alone in the corner dejectedly muttering “Why did they have to call me ‘And Goyle’ on my name tag?”
Later in the evening, after starting his third Butterbeer of the night, Harry Potter confided to this reporter that, “They used to call me ‘The Chosen One.’ I never liked that very much, but it beats what I have to put up with around the office. You know what they call me now? For a while it was ‘The One Chosen to be Fire Marshal.’ Then it was ‘The Man Who Runs the Fantasy Quidditch League.’ For the past few years it’s been ‘The Man Who Lives to Approve Quarterly Budgets.’” Taking a long drink, he added, “I really do miss high school.”
Susan Bones, Luna Lovegood, and Hermione Granger began planning a book club so they could get together more regularly. They abandoned their plans when they remembered that the only wizard literature is The Tales of Beedle the Bard.
Summing up the evening, Ginny Weasley said, “I like these events, but I hate the way the alumni association keeps apparating in my kitchen in the middle of dinner to ask for money.”