Inspiring Event From Grade School History Books: The Boston Tea Party
What They Thought It Meant: Paying taxes is un-American!
Who They Hate: Black people
Excuse Me? Did we say black people? We meant “Socialists.”
Who They Compare Their Enemies To: Hitler
The Group: The Axes of Goodness
Inspiring Event From Grade School History Books: George Washington chopping down a cherry tree
What They Thought It Meant: The trees are out to get us! Destroy the trees before they kill us!
Who They Hate: New York Elitists. (Why do you ask? Did somebody tell you we hate Jews? Because that’s a lie!)
Who They Compare Their Enemies To: Hitler
The Group: The Kite String Theorists
Inspiring Event From Grade School History Books: Ben Franklin’s kite gets hit by lightning
What They Thought It Meant: Regulating the energy industry is unconstitutional!
Who They Hate: Homosexuals. It has nothing to do with regulation, but we just never liked them.
Are You Sure You Want To Admit That In Public? Yep.
Who They Compare Their Enemies To: Hitler
The Group: The Mayflower Power Movement
Inspiring Event From Grade School History Books: The Pilgrims landing on Plymouth Rock
What They Thought It Meant: Plymouth Rock. Another word for rock is stone. Stone tablets. The Ten Commandments. Therefore the founding fathers clearly DIDN’T want a separation of church and state!
That Doesn’t Make Any Sense: It sounds better when Glenn Beck says it.
Who They Hate: People who have actually read the Constitution
Who They Compare Their Enemies To: Hitler
The Group: The Young Americans
Inspiring Event From Grade School History Books: Columbus discovers the Fountain of Youth
You Do Know That Never Happened, Don’t You? You’re worse than Hitler.
