Ripped From the Headlines

The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event.

A TV producer named "Richard Fox" is best know for producing a TV series called "Cops & Lawyers." The series is such a hit for the network named "NBS" that "Richard Fox" created several spin-offs including "Cops & Lawyers: Watch Some Violence Against Women" and "Cops & Lawyers: Shooting in LA is Cheaper Than NYC." All of the shows in the "Cops & Lawyers" franchise are famous for featuring thinly fictionalized plots about real public figures that are "Taken From the Newspapers."

But there's one story that "Richard Fox" hasn't featured on any of his TV shows. It's the story of "Richard Fox" himself, a TV producer with a closet full of dark secrets. What is this famous TV producer hiding? Prepare to be shocked:

• He cheated on his wife with an underage prostitute. Then he killed the prostitute to cover it up.
• He beats his children regularly. He killed their nanny to cover it up.
• He cheats on his taxes. He killed his accountant to cover it up.
• When he's not killing people to cover up his indiscretions, he enjoys making fun of handicapped people.
• He's a huge fucking asshole who uses his TV shows to publicly insinuate that innocent people are guilty of terrible crimes. Then he hides behind a disclaimer saying that all of the shows are fictional... despite the fact that he promotes the episodes as being based on real people.
• He is bad in bed. This isn't just because he has a laughably small penis, but rather because he has a terrible technique and he's extremely selfish. Oh, and the body odor doesn't help. Plus he can only achieve an erection if he's looking at his very large collection of child pornography.

Yes, without a doubt, "Richard Fox" is a real Dick with as much human decency as a rabid Wolf.