Celebrating 30 Years of Video Games Killing Children
The Year: 1978
The Game: Space Invaders
What the Politicians Said: Space Invaders will kill your children! This dangerous "game" gives players three "lives." This will clearly make children think they can get another life after they die, thereby causing kids to start killing themselves in droves thinking that they can instantly come back to life! Video games will promote teen suicide! Vote for us and we'll save your children from themselves!
The Year: 1993
The Game: Doom
What the Politicians Said: Okay, we were wrong about Space Invaders, Frogger, and Pac Man making kids jump off of buildings, but that sure as heck doesn't mean that we aren't RIGHT when we tell you that Doom will kill your children dead! This vile excuse for "entertainment" is different from the harmless games that came before it because it shows the violence happening from the point of view of the player. Since gamers are all stupid, we know for a fact that they will be unable to tell the difference between reality and fantasy. Clearly Doom poses a danger that a real gun never could! Playing Doom will make your neighbor’s stupid kid murder your darling angel of a child! Vote for us or your children will surely die!!
The Year: 2001
The Game: Halo
What the Politicians Said: When you were kids, you played nice, safe, harmless games like Space Invaders. The aliens looked like little white boxes. But these new games that kids are playing today have deadly graphics! They are too lifelike -- There's no way for a kid to tell the difference between people in the real world and the alien monsters they kill on their Halo machines! Do we have to draw you a map? Don't you see how this will lead to big heaping piles of dead kids?
The Year: 2007
The Game: Manhunt
What the Politicians Said: While we have to admit that we were wrong again about Halo, we still have to warn you that the Nintendo Wii was the deadliest video game system ever! In games like Manhunt, players enact killings by actually waving their arms around in a vague simulation of real life chainsaw swinging action! This unprecedented level of immersion would -- absolutely, no doubt about it, we swear on a stack of bibles this time -- make those mentally unbalanced gamers finally snap! The experience they gain by wiggling the remote control joystick device will surely teach them everything they need to know about buying a gun, loading the ammunition, turning the safety off, bracing for the kickback, aiming, and firing! We're talking about kids killing kids here, people, so get scared and start voting for us!
The Year: 2008
The Game: Grand Theft Auto IV
Labels: Censorship, Politics, Video Games
posted by The Editors at
7:01 PM
56 Comments:
I'd laugh if it wasn't true!
Well, I'm convinced! While we're at it, let's also ban cartoons--just let children watch one Wile E. Coyote short, and the next thing you know they'll be building ACME rockets in their backyard! Please, won't someone think of the roadrunners?
why is the truth the best ironic comedy?
It is not true video games don't kill kids only people who can't find someone to blame for the problems in the world you turn to the video games animie and antiwar hippies (as my uncle calls me). WELL SCREW YOU AMERICA!
this makes me so angry.... and Stephen and I can't make love when I'm angry.
hehe good one!
I'm laughing because it is true! XD
I agree totally with Anonymous and
intrinsicallyknotted.People usually aren't that impressionable.Also,this is the most biased PIECE-OF-SMIT I have ever read bashing video games.As A gamer I especially don't like the " Since gamers are all stupid"comment,F.U.
I could go on and on but,I don't have the time to type that much on the subject.
P.S. who ever post this might be a moron but,we do both agree on the game "Grand Theft Auto IV" and the others in series.
You do realize that this post is not bashing video games, right?
And that intrinsicallyknotted is being ironic.
LMAO that has got to be the stupidest comment I've seen outside of youtube. That guy totally didn't get it.
Just wow.
Lol I find it incredibly hilarious how stupid some people can be. Video game bashing? Are you serious?
Anon-"As A gamer I especially don't like the " Since gamers are all stupid"comment,F.U.
I could go on and on but,I don't have the time to type that much on the subject."
How you managed to survive long enough to learn to type amazes me, because if you cannot pick the sarcasm throughout this article then you are truly from the shallow end of the gene pool.
You people obviously dont understand the article - It's IRONY for god's sake. It shows just how ridiculous the politician's standpoints on videogames are.
Well ... someone sure misunderstood this article, lol ...
but,we do both agree on the game "Grand Theft Auto IV" and the others in series.
We do? Lol that's still the same biased crap and kinda what the article is all about.
When do people learn that kids don't turn violent because of games. If the kid turns violent, then any influence could have done the trick (TV, Magazines, Internet etc ..)
Why are people so darn stupid? This whole article is obviously sarcastic! He/She is probably a gamer making fun of the stupid politicians and activist groups who cry about video games making children violent. Truth, society was very violent way before video games. So, learn not to get offended about every minor thing and stop making yourselves look foolish.
I am glad most of you got it. It gives me hope about a world where most of the population can barely work their toasters!
well either he is being really sarcastic, or he is an example for a stupid gamer...
fuckin balls and studies have showen an actual decrease in violence overall since video games have appeared
Wow, this is great. I love it.
Calm down people, I believe the author is bashing the politicians that continually blame video games for the all the problems in the world by making us sound like impressionable mindless video game robots, not the video games and gamers themselves. The politicians are just upset because their 4 yr old nieces and nephews beat them at Super Smash Brothers and they are ashamed. =P
The hilarious part is that all of you "intelligent" gamers who picked up the irony in this article, did no such thing. It is satire, not irony. I would even settle for sarcasm, but irony it is not. try the new game they just released, Dictionary 2.0, it will blow your mind.
http://www.bingegamer.net/index.php/2008/opinion-why-i-will-let-my-kids-play-gta-iv
yeah right, i have been playing gta for 5 yr. and i'm not violent, i haven't committed suicide what is up with tat
Really, truly, and honestly, politicians are social opportunists. They will pick any topic they think they can alarm their constituencies with and hype it out of all proportion and reality so they can be seen as "doing something". Seen this time and again since I started paying any attention to politics at all.
Gaming is cool, and the older non-gaming generation are slowly phasing out. Eventually, the politicians will leave gaming alone and pick on something else they think they can alarm us with.
If anyone is "stupid", it's not the gamers. It's not so much the politicians (though I am not letting them off the hook!). It's your average American who is too parochial, too clueless, and is very easy to alarm because he's already so paranoid.
To be fair, the more real the game is, the more harder it is to see the boundary between reality and fantasy.
So the chances are that the more real something terrifying becomes, the more easily it is excepted within reality. So a kid that shoots people in a game for the fun of it, may end up doing it real life if he doesn't know whats real and whats not.
The key to all this is the parents:
Teach your children the differences between right and wrong (in the real world), and don't let the video games consume their entire lives! Thats just lazy parenting.
OH HEY GIUYZ IM SO SMORT BECAUS TIHS IS SO OVBIUSLY NOOOOT IRONY111
sat·ire (str)
n.
1.
a. A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.
b. The branch of literature constituting such works. See Synonyms at caricature.
2. Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity.
Asshole.
Funny article. good job.
if you check the FBI site for crime stats violent crimes dropped the same year Doom came out.
1992 had 1,932,274 violent crimes
1993 had 1,926,017 violent crimes
2005 had 1,390,695 violent crimes
(2005 is as recent as it goes)
LOL just a little fact i found amusing. Maybe video games is the answer. =)
Source: http://www.fbi.gov/ucr/05cius/data/table_01.html
Oh dear God. Are some people actually thinking this is serious? Good grief, and you complain it's calling gamers stupid?
For those complaining the article is unfair towards gamers, I feel I ought to spell 'irony' for you here, since even though it's written word I doubt you'll be able to pick up on that.
/facepalm.
i guess this would be funny if you believe politicians really said all those things.
Listen. People. Firstly, LOOK UP the definition of irony. You'd see the article is ironic.
Secondly. Everyone shut up, you've kind of killed the humour of the article.
Amusing, but some truth to it.
What gets me is that I recently watched Rambo, the new movie Stallone did, and it is more violent than any game ever made. That movie is just gruesomely graphic.
So not sure how games can get lambasted so much while movies like Rambo don't even get a peep made about them.
Personally, I think you are wrong. The only people/kids who will actually follow in the video games' footsteps are the ones who have no life, who play games 24/7. I play GTA... when I'm in a bad mood... And I shoot people in the game and run them over... but it lets the anger out so I don't take it out on a real person. So maybe you should rethink your whole idea because I guarantee you are wrong. BTW... Gamers aren't stupid. F- That. You're stupid for judging us like that.
After reading half the comments and steadily losing my hope for the human race, I think it's only fair that you fuckwits know what I realized right after reading it: This post(Anonymous said...I agreetotallywithAnonymousandintrinsicallyknottedPeopleusuallyarentthatimpressionableAlsothisisthemostbiasedPIECEOFSMITIhaveeverreadbashingvideogamesAsAgamerIespeciallydontliketheSincegamersareallstupidcommentFUIcouldgoonandonbutIdonthavethetimetotypethatmuchonthesubject.PSwhoeverpostthismightbeamoronbutwedobothagreeonthegameGrandTheftAutoIVandtheothersinseries)
was a joke. It was every bit as satirical as the article itself, and anyone who didn't realize that immediately is more retarded than they claim the writer is.
Not to mention that now there is a study that claims that kids that play violent video games are LESS violent than those that do not.
It is only one study so who knows.
those aren't real politicians are they, because if they are, they are remarkably stupid, I'm not sure they directly insulted more in the last comment on GTA:IV, themselves, or the game.
Sonofabitch. People don't know sarcasm at all.
Oh, that's right. If it's on the internet, it MUST be true.
Want to read a real article or something? Look up the classic quite-real and serious article "A Modest Proposal," written by Johnathan Swift in 1729 about how, way back in the day, Ireland could fix their poverty problem.
http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html
so true....
http://www.darkandpink.com/?comic=20080430
these guys said it too
So...If we all just used the cruise control on the freeway...I feel like traffic would move a lot smoother.
er, so stop varying your speed, press the little button...do it...do it...come on, go nigh night,
GO NIGH NIGHT!
wow... just, wow... its so sad that that people actually think that.
lol this is fake
Heh, you politicians think video games are bad? Would you rather like books? Maybe Ken Follett who incorporated sex scenes into most of his books? [/irony]
There is some truth in your lie, and some falsehood to your truth. Video games don't kill people. Drinking to excess won't kill people either. But drinking to excess will promote unsociable behavior right? In the same way don't violent video games promote, if not violent natures, numbing of the tolerance of violence?
However sarcastic, it is pretty much how the media as a whole antagonises the video games industry, and funnily enough, the computer and TV before them. It's mostly klap-trap how the games make murderers; surely if the child played the game, they had an interest for it in the first place (and where do children develop the most? At home, with parents, or lack of care from them). Games may promote or glorify violece in itself, but it doesn't necessarily turn kids into demons; I've played a lot of 'mature' games as a kid. Heck, I completed Quake when I was 10 years old, yet I never rushed to the shed to grab the axe and lunged at the first person in the street like a madman (or madkid).
Yea I play video games and I only want to kill people half the time.. (sarcasm) I think the real problem here is bad parenting. Everybody points fingers and they never look at them selfs in the equation if video games make kids violent don't let them play them.. It's not fair to everyone else who enjoys them to try to take them off the market its one of the highest economic valued entertainment most games make more then movies.
I loled, hardcore. ^_^
And why it is funny..The most funny part is thinking about all the kids out there dumb enough to believe this.I mean come on maybe we should work on our school system that way kids wont be dumb enough to think they get three lives lol..
I play video games and im 20..I know when i have kids that no im not gonna let them play games like grand theft auto.(that i like) cause it's clearly a game for adults....how about adults stop buying these games for there kids and things will go ok lol
...
f.y.i. You're all feeding the troll.
I agree, the goverment do over react.
"Stop your kids from playing pacman! Otherwise they may start popping pills and chasing ghosts"
Few days ago I spoke with the kid whose mother is sick. He sad that he didn't care abut that, because she have few lives left.
Oh please. It's like saying Marilyn Manson makes kids shoot other people. these things dont do shit. the kids are the ones who are stupid enough to pull the crap that they do.
We should definitely raise the voting age to 35. Maybe when the people playing video games realize the consequences of their addiction, they will finally stop. Of course, they wouldn't really get into the political game even then, unless they got the "SIMs: Politician" Expansion pack. When all the old guys die, I think we'll all move back to Europe, where they don't do nasty, evil American stuff.
dude get a life and stop criticizing the video games
To the dickless bastard who made this article,
You clearly we'rent hugged enough by mommy as a kid. Just becasue you couldn't get the games as a kid doesn't mean no one should you greedy bastard. Go grow some balls. I've been playing WoW for a long time, and GTA since I was in the 3rd grade. Good game. I have all A's and I even tutor people. DO I SEEM STUPID?! NO! I am also a pacifist. I have not once harmed a fly.
Now to the people agreeing and voting to ban video games,
Same story with you guys. Why don't you go play a good, violent game for 10 years then tell me everything you said here. yeah, addicting, isn't it.
Now for the REALLY odd part... I'm 12. yeah, I don't seem it, do I? That's because I am not a total dumass and I understand life and why humans do things they do. I see where you're coming from here, but I think the few kids who HAVE killed themself in any relation to video games were either emo or plain out retarded.
I hope you at least read this. I do respect your opinions. However, I highly disagree.
When I was a kid we played cowboys and Indians. I have yet to actually kill an Indian, American or outsourced.
actually, Manhunt DID cause a kid to kill another kid... but that's the exception, not the rule. Was a case in the UK, kid was playing Manhunt on the computer, thought it'd be a good idea to act it out with a younger kid.
to be honest, I think the kid was a nutter, but hey, he played it constantly and then killed the 14 year old with a hammer.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/1xtra/tx/manhunt.shtml
but again, I think that this is the exception, not the rule, and the game IS clearly aimed at adults and not kids. Same with the Witcher, people whinge about the adult content, but really, it's NOT a kid game, it's designed for adults!
Actually, two games here have been linked to school shootings. Some random kid played manhunt for a weekend straight and actually did snap and kill someone. however, the big one is Doom. Both Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold (Columbine High School Massacre) were some of the most active members of the Doom community. how do we know they didnt just claim to be addicted to get them out of trouble? they killed themselves, but not before recording in their journals that doom influenced them. Don't get me wrong, i love video games, especially Halo, i probably play 3 hrs a night, but video games can have an effect. the big factor is their predisposition. if they are already crazy, video games are bad for them. if you are sane, videogames enhance your video motor skills as well as your eyesight, peripheral vision, and your focus, even in school.
OMFG! Humanity is going down hill, it scars me that 30% or so don't get this article, im fucking serious, im scared right now after reading 50 comment or so, oh my... im actually shaking...
The article was funny...the following comments were hilarious! Ah! Irony, where would I be without thee?
Oh hilarious. Excellent stuff. I wish people would actually pay attention to even recent history. Video games are about as harmless as a television. Sure, plenty of nut jobs watch T.V. and get wacky ideas about it, I guess we should shut down the whole telecommunications industry.
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